Wednesday, February 09, 2005

The day that was....

Yesterday I had an interview with another company which is L'Oreal. I remember submitting my application at least six months ago thru my head hunter, Asia Select. The interview went on very well. If I will be lucky, I will be Exceutive Assistant to the British Managing Director and will be holding office in Ortigas, which is relatively nearer my place. Arvin, the interviewer commented that he liked me being so candid about my answers. Good thing, I was able to show up despite of my busy schedule. I guess I really wanted to be out of my current job soon. What made my day great yesterday was the fact that the bosses were away. I went back to the office and filed a half day leave. I am thankful too for the support I got from my officemates.

Naturally, when the "cats" are away, the "mice" will play!!! I sat down reading blogs and e-mail. I enjoyed reading on especially the blogspot of Butch, a friend back in high school who I lost touch with since our graduation and "capping" from college. We spend time chatting and sharing each other's thoughts. He actually is my mentor to blogspot. Back in highschool, he became our editor-in-chief for the school paper. He was a great literary and news writer. I was writing literary articles then too since we were both in a Journalism class. He brought honor to our humble school and I am so proud of him until now.

I realized that all these years, I still have the innate prowess and passion in writing so I cretaed my blogspot and I am enjoying it so much. Looking forward to reading and writing more.

In friendster, I saw some messages unanswered so I replied. I enjoy friendster too.. To me, its a breath of fresh air everytime... I have met some friends who eventually also became text mates. I haven't had a chance to text ladies from the net though but I will probably give it a try. It's as simple as saying that my goal is to meet more men and probably end up with someone I really like soon. I am looking forward to meeting more friends form the net.. I mean, sincere ones and not the so called "hoaxters".

Tell you more about my friends next time..

My Daughter's Wish

T'was Saturday night when I had a chance to be with my daughter. We just stayed in our bedroom and we had a heart to heart talk.
Seldom do we get a chance to be together. We talked about school, her friends, her cousins, her toys and her wishes. We had lots of fun conversing until we ended up discussing about her wishes..... The one thing that touched my heart so much was her wish to have a sibling and that I finally marry so she could have someone she could call her "dad". My tears fell as she uttered these words. I never thought that she would have a wish not only for herself but for me. I became speechless so I embraced her tight and said that we should pray for that wish to come true for both of us.
I promised her not to tell my Mom or my brothers about it. I promised that it will be a little secret between us. That night I put her off to sleep which I don't normally do. I felt good just stroking her hair and gazing into her face as she came into deep slumber. I finally said to my self, "I miss the baby in her". She's now nine and I feel I had so much time wasted not being able to enjoy time with her when she was younger because I was and I still am a very busy working Mom.
I miss her hugs and kisses, I guess she has really grown up so fast that she already find those things "baduy" or "awkward" already. Time flew so fast. Honestly, I only have a short memory of her when she was still a baby because I did not have the leisure of time to take care of her as I should. Good thing my Mommy took on that responsibility for me. My Mom did a good job and my youngest brother, who Mikee considers the most important person to her. I know how she loves her Tei2 Jojo so much that I sometimes would envy him for the attention and the sweetness Mikee would show him. But its something inherent because he practically became mother and father to my kid for the longest time. It was just recently that I have accepted the situation whole heartedly. I have really moved on.
I also prayed that I maybe given the courage to move on and be a better Mom for Mikee. She has been my sole inspiration and she brought the joy and difference to my life. If only I could be with her ever so often......... That's the price I have to pay...... being a single working Mom.
No one can ever tell what the future exactly holds for me and my daughter, but I never cease praying and believing that someday, all my wishes and dreams would come into reality.....

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Texter

I have met someone thru SMS who was referred by a friend and a former officemate. The first time he ever texted, I was so excited.. I said to myself, wow, this is another thing I could do with my boring routinary life. We enjoyed chatting thru SMS and talking over the phone too.

He is one intellectually stimulating guy I tell you... We send each other sweet nothings and I would update him of whatever it is happening in my everyday life. Morning and afternoon messages and evening kisses would be an everyday exchange. I could say that texting him ever so often became a "habit" and I get a "high" doing it. I could vent off my feelings and talk to him about anything under the sun. My life became an open book to him. I would tell him how he brought back the smile to my face and how I would read thru everything that that he would send me and save these in my mobile phone's Inbox. If Im not so busy, I would browse on these messages over and over.

Everything we have talked about made sense to me. There were some pretentions on his part which I felt in some of our conversations. It took sometime for him to admit to me his age(45) that he's married though, but it never really bothered me at all. What really meant so much to me would be the ecstatic feeling I have everytime Im reminded that someone cares and actually loves to converse with me.

One day,I texted him without getting any reply for the whole day. It was just so unlikely not getting any reply from him. I really got so worried that I even cried that night. Next day, he finally replied and I learned that he left his phone home and that the wife read on the messages he got while he was away. Accordingly, they had a fight about it. He told me to tone down on everything especially my sweetness. My texting him ever so often also became a question. I have stayed the same despite the situation because I know I did not do anything wrong. I remained consistent and true to my promise that I will never forget to text him everyday. It was a mutual understanding of some sort.

Todate, after ignoring my messages for at least four days, I realized, maybe he was really not "into me" at all. He would not initiate anything less I start it, contrary to the fact that he lead me on, in a way. I feel sad now that he slipped away just as soon as I wanted him for keeps... I mean as a good friend, a confidant, a shoulder to lean on.

Now, I ask myself, did I ever overdo things for him? Did I bark at the wrong tree?

I was just me... Sadly, I never even had a chance to meet him in person. Should I still text or just stop? Did I go overboard or what? Endless questions..

I just tell myself, at least there came a twist in my life even for just a few weeks.

What happens next.. will tell you soon.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

My first entry

I am a 32 year old single mom to a 9 year old daugther. A long story but I am up and about now and I am looking at life in a better and brighter perspective. For years now, I have been longing and have been seeking for the right person to really love me for who and what I am. But I am not lucky yet, I guess.

I feel something is really missing. I would like to say that I try so hard being a good mom but circumstances do not permit me to become a perfect one. The search for that someone has been my goal for so long. It seems to be endless. But I never loose hope. In my blog page.. Updates about my lovelife will be reflected.

Now, Im alone no dates yet. Still hopeful.....