Wednesday, July 06, 2005

My buddy

Last Sunday was a friend's birthday and I celebrated with him and our friends. I was with my good old buddy and his lover. While drinking, I just realized that all these years, I have loved my buddy so much but I realized that this love is already of a different level now. I love him more as a friend. I have focused so much of my attention to him but that night, seeing him with the new lover, I felt more at peace with myself. I know now where I definitely stand and that I belong to him despite. Its mutual if I may say so.

What affected me more is the fact that J has not texted me for quite sometime now. I remembered him saying that he's afraid that he might not be able to repay me for eveything I have shown and given him. I never asked for anything but for him to care for me more. I know that he has been ignoring me lately because he's thinking about me falling for him. I cannot deny though but I just cannot fathom the reasons why he suddenly tried to brush me off. I constantly pray that someday, god willing, he could be my someone special. With the rate everything is going, I am more in the verge of loosing him. I wouldn't know if being passive would solve this but this is just me... sweet and really caring. I wish people could accept and be more appreciative of that..... This is just me, no pretentions... I have so much love to give....When can a man finally realize that?

I like J so much but up to what extent I should throw myself to him? Do I arrive too strong? What's lacking of me or rather what have I done in excessively?

All other things in my life run smoothly except for that one thing I dont have... the partner... Men drive me nuts!! I cannot understand how I could ever handle them... Or maybe I really cannot.... AH! MEN!!!!

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