Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Fear

Got a call from the new company yesterday asking me to submit my payslip and so they can finally do the job offer.

I was able to submit all the requirements and I felt good about it. I was not able to sleep last night after waking up at 3AM. Various thoughts filled my mind. Worried about My SO, family, health, new career, my current job and friends. I am now at a state where everything to me is hanging. I can't fathom the reason why I have this feeling. My nervousness or excitement about the new job may have brought me all these mixed emotions.

Today, they did not call me. I am not sure as to when they will but my hopes are still high.

I have fear of the unknown. After learning about my SO's seeking other career opportunities, more fear embellished my being. I guess it followed automatically on my mind that if he finally decides about the transfer, then I will be left with lesser chances of seeing and being with him especially if his prospect company does not have projects anywhere Southeast Asia or more so in the Philippines. I guess the situation will be inevitable.

Given this situation, I am at a lost if I should even worry about us. I hold on to his words, "love will find its way" (I have his sms kept saying these words). A concrete expression of his dedication to me and which keeps my head up about the situation.

I love him so much, no doubt and I would like to stop worrying about anything concerning us. I guess its a matter of conditioning and faith.

Getting through this ordeal and all the other worries that I have in my heart and mind is all that I am praying for. I know that my SO will keep his promise and I believe that his love is true. I never doubted that. I guess I will have to be strong and I should keep on believing that love will conquer all.

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