Being single

Day by Day

2006-03-30T16:52:00.000+08:00

As I am counting my last days here, I feel that somehow I am getting up slowly from the rubles I have been into.

Having vented off my emotions about everything has helped me cope with the pressing condition. I realized how valuable I am for a lot of people here and what makes me sad is the fact that I will be leaving behind people I have already learned to love.

That maybe the saddest part of it all.

Life has to go on. I am taking a step forward to a better life ahead.

Worried still about my SO but I am hoping that things will get better day by day.....

Recently

2006-03-28T15:10:00.000+08:00

I finally filed my resignation. Afraid that I might lose the new job had it not for the opportunity they gave me to sign up. When I got the offer, I discussed it with my SO and I arrived at the decision to grab the opportunity.

It was a shock for everyone when I finally submitted the letter. A lot of people got mad because of the sudden decision. To make the long story short, they cannot accept my decision and so they opted to make it really hard for me.

I was then tasked to take on becoming the receptionist and I had to turn-over everything on that day. I was driven off as if I didnt have anything to do with the company anymore and they told me that seeing me in my seat would not do any help anymore since they're claiming that thirty days is too short a notice for them.

I had the worst day. I cried the whole day and I had to just accept the situation. I felt how my SO wanted to hug and allay my stress that time but he could only do so much.

I had the weekend to prepare myself because we went to Boracay for 3 days and 2 nights. It was good to have spent another weekend with my love as we talked about it.

A colleague's birthday brought sunshine again to me when somehow, the stiff situation shifted suddenly to becoming more lighter. I knew that the harsh treat ment would have not lasted anyhow because Im also special to them.

Twas another night when I had another shock. They accessed my files at the shared drive and say my pictures with my SO! We were so dicreet about it when they saw everything!!! It was not my intention to have placed it there but I needed to since my access to my former PC would not be possible. I had to do something. I planned to delete these the next day but this happened.

Friends were kind enough to tell me what happened and so when I came to work the next day, I was prepared to face them. I felt at ease when they talked to me about it. I told them how in love I am and I couldnt care less what other people might say. Its simply my decision to leave and love! I felt relieved being able to divulge the information and finally be free.

Had to call and inform my SO about it. He laughed about it but somehow I felt his worry. I know this has been something that we could have prevented but as I look into the situation, I think its bound to happen anyhow.

I admit my shortcoming and there is just nothing I want to do other than making my relationship with him work. He's my confidant, my friend my lover all in one.

For whatever its worth I would like to continue hoping and praying that all of these happened for a valid reason and this is just a test of our love.

Fear

2006-03-15T19:03:00.000+08:00

Got a call from the new company yesterday asking me to submit my payslip and so they can finally do the job offer.

I was able to submit all the requirements and I felt good about it. I was not able to sleep last night after waking up at 3AM. Various thoughts filled my mind. Worried about My SO, family, health, new career, my current job and friends. I am now at a state where everything to me is hanging. I can't fathom the reason why I have this feeling. My nervousness or excitement about the new job may have brought me all these mixed emotions.

Today, they did not call me. I am not sure as to when they will but my hopes are still high.

I have fear of the unknown. After learning about my SO's seeking other career opportunities, more fear embellished my being. I guess it followed automatically on my mind that if he finally decides about the transfer, then I will be left with lesser chances of seeing and being with him especially if his prospect company does not have projects anywhere Southeast Asia or more so in the Philippines. I guess the situation will be inevitable.

Given this situation, I am at a lost if I should even worry about us. I hold on to his words, "love will find its way" (I have his sms kept saying these words). A concrete expression of his dedication to me and which keeps my head up about the situation.

I love him so much, no doubt and I would like to stop worrying about anything concerning us. I guess its a matter of conditioning and faith.

Getting through this ordeal and all the other worries that I have in my heart and mind is all that I am praying for. I know that my SO will keep his promise and I believe that his love is true. I never doubted that. I guess I will have to be strong and I should keep on believing that love will conquer all.

SAY IT!

2006-03-13T12:38:00.000+08:00

It was Sunday when I got SMS from my Significant Other (SO) saying hello and he is hoping that Im ok. Along the line, he mentioned about me not being able to say I love you on the phone whenever he calls. He joked if im embarrassed to say it whenever people are with me.

The last time he called was Saturday. I was with Mikee having late lunch and he called. Just right after the call, I realized that I would never say I love him after the conversation especially when I'm home or with Mikee. I don't know but somehow, I already thought that he would tell me and ask why and so he did the next day!

I cannot explain it well but maybe one reason why I haven't done it is because I have not formally introduced him to my family as my boyfriend. For the longest time that I have been loveless, the flowers and the calls are already concrete implications that I'm with somebody and so I feel I don't have to tell them anything anyhow. Maybe, its unfair for my SO since he also would like to meet my family he is back, I will find time to introduce him formally and be proud of him.

I answered back his sms by telling him sorry for that and that it was unintentional and that from now on, I will always say it everytime I will converse with him over the phone. I also told him how much I would want to be with him. If only I can fly into his arms and never leave his side.

This also one realization for me that I have to also please him every way I can and so he would not feel that its just a "one -way street" so to speak for us and that he is just the one I demand from to say it... which by the way already became a running joke between us. "SAY IT!!!", I would say and it never fails to make us laugh.

Words are just not enough to say how much I'm in love with him. I want this relationship to be as blissful as it can be. So I keep on wishing...... somehow... someday.............

Only time will tell...

Saturday

2006-03-11T15:17:00.000+08:00

1030 AM and my Mobile phone rang, have to get up and be in the office today! Its Saturday and I though I have promised myself not be working on a weekend, I am here!!!

I realized how I cannot just wait until I could get things placed on the right track. Needed to please the bosses, and for my peace of mind, I opted to just do everything I can to deliver evrything as perfectly as I can.

I had sleepless nights preparing for documents and just being there for my boss. Though my job hunting is still active, I realized that I have been so dedicated that I would not have second thoughts sacrificing my time and efforts for this company. The flesh is weak but the spirit is still too willing to put more and more effort.

Sadly, I feel that despite all these, I am not appreciated as I should be. Sometimes, a pat on the back would make a difference. As I am writing this now, I have come to realize that I really love my work. Now, whether they see it mediocre or they will still blame me for the situation,(which I will have to see on Monday) at least I have done my part and I have been my best.

Its more of self fulfillment than anything else that matters.

Everyone might not know how I feel and how I do my thing(which I know I am not expected to be explaining to everyone) but at least it is "ME" that I have pleased more.

Hunt

2006-02-20T11:25:00.000+08:00

I now take on another challenge which is being Executive Assistant for multiple bosses. The search for the right job has been on going for the longest time and as I have applied and attended to a lot of interviews lately, I still haven't landed another job. My partner has already left and shall take on another responsibility somewhere else which I know would be a better ground for her.

If this company calls me finally within the week, I will definitely leave. I am hoping and praying for the right time and pace I should have this change soon. My "significant other"(SO) has been very supportive of me and Im thankful that he would cheer me up when my hopes die down.

I have undergone 3 consecutive interviews already with the same company and I hope that anytime soon, they will confirm hiring me. Cant wait to really seize the day!!!

The feeling of melancholy has not left me lately since I have been dying to see myself doing better in some other job. Really hoping for the best to come.... til then....

Today

2006-02-01T15:04:00.000+08:00

It has been a long time since I last visited and wrote anything here.

A lot of wonderful and awful things have occured and I could say that most wonderous thing that came to me would be finding Mr. S. Yes, Mr.S_ and Mr. R(right) all in one.

I just want to share the blissful feeling that I have now that am alive again and has awaken from my deep slumber. He has accepted me for whoever and whatever I am. He is not only my lover but a friend who I can run to whenever I'm in need. Not only is he "king" of my heart but the "janitor" of all my doubts, worries and fears.

I met him a couple of months ago and it just "clicked" for the both of us. We may come from two diffrent worlds and are totally "opposites" but we attracted just like magnets. I am proud and so glad that our relationship has become strong and has been built in "trust". I may not see him ever so often but I am thankful for the days that I would be with him.

The smile that has left my face for the longest time is now back, as I often have him in my thoughts. I collect all the happy thoughts and whenever I miss and long for him, I recollect them and these never fail to make me feel warm and comfty inside.

Words are not enough to describe the ecstatic feeling I have now.

Wishing this would never have to end.

I lost

2005-08-04T17:17:00.000+08:00

Life has been very quiet for me lately. I haven’t dated since I last went out with J. It was good while it lasted. I could only keep him as a happy thought.

I wanted him so much but I failed to win him. I have done my part and I have tried to become as cool as possible about it. Days and weeks passed not getting any invitation from him. Worst, he would not text unless I text first.

The saying would be true: “you win some, you lose some”. I guess I lost this time. However, I’m not closing any doors. The search for the perfect mate is still on.

Just want to wake up one day finally having him beside me. I hope that I will never ever get tired of hoping and wishing……

My buddy

2005-07-06T05:00:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday was a friend's birthday and I celebrated with him and our friends. I was with my good old buddy and his lover. While drinking, I just realized that all these years, I have loved my buddy so much but I realized that this love is already of a different level now. I love him more as a friend. I have focused so much of my attention to him but that night, seeing him with the new lover, I felt more at peace with myself. I know now where I definitely stand and that I belong to him despite. Its mutual if I may say so.

What affected me more is the fact that J has not texted me for quite sometime now. I remembered him saying that he's afraid that he might not be able to repay me for eveything I have shown and given him. I never asked for anything but for him to care for me more. I know that he has been ignoring me lately because he's thinking about me falling for him. I cannot deny though but I just cannot fathom the reasons why he suddenly tried to brush me off. I constantly pray that someday, god willing, he could be my someone special. With the rate everything is going, I am more in the verge of loosing him. I wouldn't know if being passive would solve this but this is just me... sweet and really caring. I wish people could accept and be more appreciative of that..... This is just me, no pretentions... I have so much love to give....When can a man finally realize that?

I like J so much but up to what extent I should throw myself to him? Do I arrive too strong? What's lacking of me or rather what have I done in excessively?

All other things in my life run smoothly except for that one thing I dont have... the partner... Men drive me nuts!! I cannot understand how I could ever handle them... Or maybe I really cannot.... AH! MEN!!!!

Goodbye

2005-06-24T06:13:00.000+08:00

I think it is already goodbye for B. After the date I had with B, he just disappeared. I guess he is just not "into me". I have to accept the fact that I cannot throw myself to him because he is not even serious about anything.

Anyways, I am still seeing J. I am enjoying times of laughter and conversations with depth and I could say that I already like him. We have gone out for 5 times already and I am happy with the turn out of these dates. Last night we both got drunk drinking Mojitas at Cafe Havana in Greenbelt. It was a good time. I am looking forward to something more concrete and I hope that someday, somehow................ Only time will tell.

Its goodbye for B definitely...

Dating J and B

2005-06-08T04:20:00.000+08:00

I had two new dates lately and I could say I had a good time. The first date was with J.. he's the athletic ilonggo dude. It was a very intellectually stimulating communication with him and its was just fun. How I imagine melting into his athletic arms!!!!! (ngek!!fantasize!!!).

We jive with a lot of things... music, theatre, food... just a refreshing change in the dating phase of my life.

The other date was with B, a single parent, cool and good looking too. We had a good conversation and a lot of things in common too. He's a total gentleman and I appreciate him a lot.

I like both guys and I look forward to receiving text messages from them everyday, these just never fail to bring the smile and sunshine into my face.

I feel light, active and so cool, this is life...dating and enjoying it....

I am looking forward to more dates soon.

My Birthday

2005-06-03T00:45:00.000+08:00

30th of May 2005, It was a Monday. Below are the schedule of events that special day:

4 AM- got up to prepare lunch for my officemates
6AM- went to the supermarket to buy fresh seafoods
7AM-cooked Chicken pastel, Shrimps in Oyster sauce, Picadillo, tahong and fruit salad.
9AM-started my day at the office
12 PM-prepared for lunch
1230PM- had my surprise! Roj in a big box with my DVD Player, a bag and flowers. It perked up my day!
6PM- had my cakes sliced
715PM- Went out the office to go to Podium to meet up with my family
815PM- Met up with the whole family at China Star Resto. Got more gifts.
930PM-got home and saw another Bunch of flowers on my bed..

Need I ask more? My friends texted and greeted me too. It was indeed a happy one for me. Hope I could have more to come…

Another Date

2005-05-24T11:04:00.000+08:00

I went out last Thursday to meet up with someone who I just met recently. We agreed to meet up at the Baywalk at Roxas Boulevard and we agreed to have coffee. I was so eager to meet up with him and so I went out to see him. I had a walk while waiting for him. God, I waited for almost 2 hours and he did not show up!!!! He stood me up!!!!!!! I tried to text and call him but his cellphone was off. When he finally answered my call, he said that he's sorry because he would not be able to show up and that he's into trouble that time.

That conversation was very short and i got mad and frustrated because I felt I needed to meet up with him since I felt his need to see me and vise versa. I cried because of dismay. I had 3 cups of coffee . I tried to call friends who can be with me and of course, nobody was available!!! I felt the emptiness and the sadness within me. I felt hurt and I felt pity for myself. I really do not know how to contain myself that time. I am a total wreck for how many days now.

I even attended a wedding the next day and still felt bad. I realized that I just attend weddings, catch the bouquets and what? Til now nobody for me yet. I just sing for weddings and entertain other people. When could I have the chance of being entertained on my wedding at all?

Can things get any better for me? Is there something different I could ever encounter? I am sick and tired of waiting for the right guy to come along. This time I am really pissed and I have lost the patience. I am turning 33 on the 3oth and still I am without a partner.

Will I ever be given one? Tell me, I deserve it, right? What do you think?

Better.....

2005-05-07T06:17:00.000+08:00

The past few days have been quite better for me. For one, my company already hired a receptionist. Another tempo was also hired to become E.A. for my German boss. Well, these things make feel better because I was unburdened of some tasks. Although I still oversee them because they're new, I feel more lighter this time. I like both the newly hired staff and I have good vibes about them. We recently had our company outing at Hidden Valley at Alaminos, Laguna and we had lots of fun. We went trekking and swimming and food trip. We had fun also at the bar and I serenaded them with my songs. It was a good breather for me. I have a lot of pictures too. I hope to publish more blogs soon. See my pictures!! Enjoy viewing them. So fat here but I hope that you will like it. :)

Hopeful

2005-04-20T01:58:00.000+08:00

Another resignation from my company took place, the HRD Manager this time. I do not know how to react anymore. Everybody is leaving and I am so affected because I will be left out. Looking back, I was the first one who wanted to leave in the first place. I got offers from outside and I gladly responded by attending their invitation for interviews. I started doing that last year. I actually gave them that idea to explore other opportunities. True enough, my colleagues did and they found better ones!!!

I have learned so much from them. It has barely been less than a year that I have worked with them but it created so much impact on me. I am at a loss now. It is like I am mourning on something inevitable. I do not know why I am so emotional about it. Do not know how will I cope further.

I still want to pursue my plans. I just hope everything will come up like roses for me soon .

The Interview

2005-04-12T15:21:00.000+08:00

I have attended the scheduled interview with UBIX this morning. It was a very light and candid interview with Vincent. He was very objective about his questions. I made the conversation easy for us by being the "bubbly and witty" me and he said he enjoyed the interview. He told me that he has been searching for the right Executive Assistant for the longest time and that I would definitely be scheduled for a second interview with the President. Hopefully after that, I will be able to meet up with the Chairman who I will be working with if I get lucky enough.

He asked about me being a single mom. I have been very open about it and I did not have any inhibitions talking about my present situation. It feels good being open about it and more so because I was able to converse with the type of person who I think can grasp to the idea of it. It's an "in" thing nowadays anyways. He even commended me for being so "cool" about it.

Come to think of it, I am better off being single. I can move freely and I can decide on my own. Financially it is difficult, but I am coping. I couldn't care less what other people might think about it, I just want to tell everyone that I am happy being single- a single mom. Would be happier if I could have a partner though, but maybe the time will come I land with one.

I hope to get more interviews and obtain the best job soon. If I will be asked to take an exam, I will decline it. I would rather be interviewed the whole day than take another exam. That's how life is for me... being single and job hunting....

Another Day at Work

2005-04-12T13:16:00.000+08:00

Another day!!!! I am just thinking how I would be able to make it through. Had a sleepless night thinking how my day at work will be. I am keeping my fingers crossed that today will be a good time for me. I wonder how life would be like without my partner at work. She told me that she is already so excited to leave and see herself at home. She only has a week left to stay and honestly, I feel so sad about it. Another colleague is experiencing some trouble with the bosses and I also feel so much for her. She wants her relocation to Cagayan de Oro soon. If this happens, I will be left with just 2 female colleagues who I do not talk to ever so often. I feel I will be back to zero. I wish everything will be alright and that the situation here may become better. I always pray for that. The week after next will be a major adjustment. I hope I would be able to cope better.

I have a got a call from UBIX asking me to see them for an interview. We agreed to meet up with them tomorrow at 8AM. They are offering me a job as an Executive Assistant to the Chairman and CEO of the Corporation. I think this is a good opportunity and I am giving it a try.

I promise myself that from this day on I will not stop searching for better opportunities so I can also leave the soonest. The situation here is just too much to handle that I cannot wait to see myself in a new working environment.

I hope that I will be able to decipher what ought to do with my career.

Work....

2005-04-08T14:39:00.000+08:00

Its been a long time since I last wrote something here.

My job hunting has not ended yet. Still being so optimistic that someday and somehow, I would really be able to land a very stable job. I am now connected with a power company. The Project will be here for 25 years and will supply power in Mindanao by 2006. Very promising, right?

But these are not the only things that would matter. I could deal well with the pressure my job entails but I dread dealing with the bosses' awful attitudes. It is not always a question of how much i am earning a living but bottom line is, Am I really happy? Do I go home not thinking about how my day will be in the office the next morning? Am I already dragging myself to wake up and go to work? Endless questions pop up in my mind. Hardship and trials are inevitable in this life but unless a person is happy and secured as to where he stands, then he can easily cope with anything.

I am not happy where I am right now, that is why I am hardly coping with the present situation. Can you blame me for actively searching for better opportunities? I have to face the reality that I am not getting any younger and my marketability will soon diminish so I should be making my move now!!!!

What has made me feel more depressed at this time is the fact that one of my colleagues has decided to leave the company for good and become a full-time Mom. She has stayed with the company for more than a year now but like me, she also feels so bad about the working environment here. She had an option and she finally took the chance. It will definitely be a big adjustment for her but I am glad that she has arrived to this decision. On the other hand, I also feel afraid that I would take on another responsibility of assisting her boss aside from assisting another difficult boss and doing the receptionist's work. Here I am left with multi-tasks!! How I wish my situation could get better. Do not know if a dialogue with my boss would help at this time. I am currently composing my script if ever...

I am not loosing hope... I just wish I could also become a full time Mom to my kid and somehow, become my own boss SOOOOOOOOOON.

The date

2005-03-04T08:21:00.000+08:00

Had a date last Thursday, 24 Feb in Greenbelt with a guy I met from friendster. I could say that he is one person from the net I look forward conversing with since I love his writing style. To me, reading through his mail became a breather. After at least a month of mail exchanges, I finally saw him.

Hes chubby, not so tall and and so ordinary. He's a 30 year old computer programmer actively seeking for a new job opportunity. He hails in Caloocan and a bread winner to his family. His father died in 2000 just the same as when I lost mine.

We had dinner and saw "Constantine", a movie starring Keanu Reeves who is supposed to be a "fallen angel". Such a weird movie for me. He enjoyed watching it though, but it definitely did not amuse me much. We had coffee and had a chat. Of course, I have noticed his gestures and how he would stare at me. Honestly, at the back of mind, I thought he's gay. I cannot explain why but he has this "thing" with gays, I mean, he would hate them. I noticed his moves, and these were quite "feminine" to me. Maybe because of the active"gaydar" that I have so I am surely able to detect whether a man is gay or not. My association with gay friends also taught me into being able to assess men well. Quite a major turn-off I guess.....

We have been texting since that night and he would tell me how he likes my smile and eyes. He said he also like me so much and that he wants to be there for me always. I must admit this elated me a bit. I cannot say I have feelings for him already but I am not closing my doors on anything. I donot know what can happen next but all I know is that I still look forward to coversing with him and reading through is well written mails.

I realized that I did not feel the "spark" between us. Maybe I'm wrong but I still cannot tell. I am keeping my options open.

_Why?___________________ma love is for sale *

2005-03-03T17:47:00.000+08:00

____________________ma love is for sale *Why should your love be for sale? Are you in despair? I wanna know why, please give that pleasure of knowing your reasons. Maybe we can talk about it.

The day that was....

2005-02-09T15:33:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I had an interview with another company which is L'Oreal. I remember submitting my application at least six months ago thru my head hunter, Asia Select. The interview went on very well. If I will be lucky, I will be Exceutive Assistant to the British Managing Director and will be holding office in Ortigas, which is relatively nearer my place. Arvin, the interviewer commented that he liked me being so candid about my answers. Good thing, I was able to show up despite of my busy schedule. I guess I really wanted to be out of my current job soon. What made my day great yesterday was the fact that the bosses were away. I went back to the office and filed a half day leave. I am thankful too for the support I got from my officemates.

Naturally, when the "cats" are away, the "mice" will play!!! I sat down reading blogs and e-mail. I enjoyed reading on especially the blogspot of Butch, a friend back in high school who I lost touch with since our graduation and "capping" from college. We spend time chatting and sharing each other's thoughts. He actually is my mentor to blogspot. Back in highschool, he became our editor-in-chief for the school paper. He was a great literary and news writer. I was writing literary articles then too since we were both in a Journalism class. He brought honor to our humble school and I am so proud of him until now.

I realized that all these years, I still have the innate prowess and passion in writing so I cretaed my blogspot and I am enjoying it so much. Looking forward to reading and writing more.

In friendster, I saw some messages unanswered so I replied. I enjoy friendster too.. To me, its a breath of fresh air everytime... I have met some friends who eventually also became text mates. I haven't had a chance to text ladies from the net though but I will probably give it a try. It's as simple as saying that my goal is to meet more men and probably end up with someone I really like soon. I am looking forward to meeting more friends form the net.. I mean, sincere ones and not the so called "hoaxters".

Tell you more about my friends next time..

My Daughter's Wish

2005-02-09T10:47:00.000+08:00

T'was Saturday night when I had a chance to be with my daughter. We just stayed in our bedroom and we had a heart to heart talk.

Seldom do we get a chance to be together. We talked about school, her friends, her cousins, her toys and her wishes. We had lots of fun conversing until we ended up discussing about her wishes..... The one thing that touched my heart so much was her wish to have a sibling and that I finally marry so she could have someone she could call her "dad". My tears fell as she uttered these words. I never thought that she would have a wish not only for herself but for me. I became speechless so I embraced her tight and said that we should pray for that wish to come true for both of us.

I promised her not to tell my Mom or my brothers about it. I promised that it will be a little secret between us. That night I put her off to sleep which I don't normally do. I felt good just stroking her hair and gazing into her face as she came into deep slumber. I finally said to my self, "I miss the baby in her". She's now nine and I feel I had so much time wasted not being able to enjoy time with her when she was younger because I was and I still am a very busy working Mom.

I miss her hugs and kisses, I guess she has really grown up so fast that she already find those things "baduy" or "awkward" already. Time flew so fast. Honestly, I only have a short memory of her when she was still a baby because I did not have the leisure of time to take care of her as I should. Good thing my Mommy took on that responsibility for me. My Mom did a good job and my youngest brother, who Mikee considers the most important person to her. I know how she loves her Tei2 Jojo so much that I sometimes would envy him for the attention and the sweetness Mikee would show him. But its something inherent because he practically became mother and father to my kid for the longest time. It was just recently that I have accepted the situation whole heartedly. I have really moved on.

I also prayed that I maybe given the courage to move on and be a better Mom for Mikee. She has been my sole inspiration and she brought the joy and difference to my life. If only I could be with her ever so often......... That's the price I have to pay...... being a single working Mom.

No one can ever tell what the future exactly holds for me and my daughter, but I never cease praying and believing that someday, all my wishes and dreams would come into reality.....

Texter

2005-02-03T20:02:00.000+08:00

I have met someone thru SMS who was referred by a friend and a former officemate. The first time he ever texted, I was so excited.. I said to myself, wow, this is another thing I could do with my boring routinary life. We enjoyed chatting thru SMS and talking over the phone too.

He is one intellectually stimulating guy I tell you... We send each other sweet nothings and I would update him of whatever it is happening in my everyday life. Morning and afternoon messages and evening kisses would be an everyday exchange. I could say that texting him ever so often became a "habit" and I get a "high" doing it. I could vent off my feelings and talk to him about anything under the sun. My life became an open book to him. I would tell him how he brought back the smile to my face and how I would read thru everything that that he would send me and save these in my mobile phone's Inbox. If Im not so busy, I would browse on these messages over and over.

Everything we have talked about made sense to me. There were some pretentions on his part which I felt in some of our conversations. It took sometime for him to admit to me his age(45) that he's married though, but it never really bothered me at all. What really meant so much to me would be the ecstatic feeling I have everytime Im reminded that someone cares and actually loves to converse with me.

One day,I texted him without getting any reply for the whole day. It was just so unlikely not getting any reply from him. I really got so worried that I even cried that night. Next day, he finally replied and I learned that he left his phone home and that the wife read on the messages he got while he was away. Accordingly, they had a fight about it. He told me to tone down on everything especially my sweetness. My texting him ever so often also became a question. I have stayed the same despite the situation because I know I did not do anything wrong. I remained consistent and true to my promise that I will never forget to text him everyday. It was a mutual understanding of some sort.

Todate, after ignoring my messages for at least four days, I realized, maybe he was really not "into me" at all. He would not initiate anything less I start it, contrary to the fact that he lead me on, in a way. I feel sad now that he slipped away just as soon as I wanted him for keeps... I mean as a good friend, a confidant, a shoulder to lean on.

Now, I ask myself, did I ever overdo things for him? Did I bark at the wrong tree?

I was just me... Sadly, I never even had a chance to meet him in person. Should I still text or just stop? Did I go overboard or what? Endless questions..

I just tell myself, at least there came a twist in my life even for just a few weeks.

What happens next.. will tell you soon.

My first entry

2005-02-01T01:18:00.000+08:00

I am a 32 year old single mom to a 9 year old daugther. A long story but I am up and about now and I am looking at life in a better and brighter perspective. For years now, I have been longing and have been seeking for the right person to really love me for who and what I am. But I am not lucky yet, I guess.

I feel something is really missing. I would like to say that I try so hard being a good mom but circumstances do not permit me to become a perfect one. The search for that someone has been my goal for so long. It seems to be endless. But I never loose hope. In my blog page.. Updates about my lovelife will be reflected.

Now, Im alone no dates yet. Still hopeful.....